Reframing the Holidays
During the holidays most people will be planning to share and enjoy quality time with loved ones. But this doesn’t mean that the holidays automatically arrive stress-free and joyous. These feelings can arise because some may feel pressure to host the “perfect dinner” or find the “perfect gift”. Financial stress can also play a role, as travel, food, and gifts all bring on expenses that aren’t part of typical budgets. Past family relationship patterns or memories of loved ones that are no longer with us may also evoke difficult feelings.
Let’s go over some tips and tricks to make the holidays less stressful and more enjoyable.
Identify Your Stressors
Before taking any specific action, it’s important to identify what’s causing the undesired feeling.
Step 1: Excuse yourself from any conversations or distractions.
Step 2: Take three deep breaths to get oxygen to your brain and relax your body.
Step 3: Now that you are in a calm place and head space, think about what was happening when you began to feel stressed. Pinning down the specifics of what’s weighing on our minds is the first step in mitigating negative feelings and finding solutions.
Take Thoughtful Action
While it can feel nice to give a few people a piece of your mind, it hardly ever leads to conflict resolution. Use the calm space and mental clarity you just established to think through what will benefit you the most at present, and in the future.
Example Scenarios:
If you are in a difficult situation:
Excuse yourself from the conversation by simply stating, “Please excuse me for a minute.”
Take a few minutes alone, if needed.
Identify and talk with a “designated safe person” that can assist with problem-solving and strategizing.
Try to keep the conversation light and on “safe subjects” (avoid controversial topics like politics, religion, or money)
If the day is not turning out “perfectly”:
Be kind to yourself. Remember that nothing is perfect, but many things are still lovely and fun.
Share the burden and ask a friend or family member to help you brainstorm some solutions.
Remember that mishaps can create the best memories. Take out that camera and catch everyone laughing at the debacles.
If you’re missing a loved one:
Remember that you’re not alone. It’s normal to miss those that have passed on, and you probably aren’t the only one missing that person.
Talk to a “safe person” (friend, family member, or therapist) if you need to process it with someone.
Think of happy memories you shared with them. Focus on the happy times you experienced, rather than the sadness of their passing.
Gift Yourself Some Kindness
Superpeople only exist in comics and movies. We may want to single-handedly give your family the perfect holiday feast. Or successfully avoid any controversial or upsetting conversations. The reality is that things happen, so we need to go with the flow and give ourselves grace. Use this template to create kindness mantras to remember this holiday season.
This holiday, I am deserving of…
This holiday, I will treat myself to…
This holiday, I will show myself love by…
This holiday, I am grateful for…
In the Coming Weeks…
Remember positivity. Set yourself up for success. These are the people who love and care about you. Try not to let the problems overshadow the good times. Think of three positive thoughts to counter each negative thought that occurs. This mental exercise can help reinforce the positives, help you find joy in interacting with others, and feel appreciation for the connections you have during the holidays.
Also, look for our new blog post for those thinking about gift-giving on a budget! It will be posted in early December!